What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:59
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I waited trembling.
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
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Especially a lifetime of it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I write beautiful poetry .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She found it foreign!.
Why did Kakashi use Chidori against Rin, despite knowing about her feelings for Obito?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Ive learnt so much.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But, we were locked up after school.
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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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As i do to all so called friends.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why is my ex mad I moved on when he dumped me?
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
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We all went to grammer schools
My life is so biszare .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was scared of men, in general
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They are buried together, in the same grave..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Who then, do I blame.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Put me off passion for life!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
It was going to be , some day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
All the time i was locked up.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was seconnd youngest,
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What did i know ?
She loved him until the end.
I will be 64.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She married twice! .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She wouldn,t have been !
Was to survive, this bastard.
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We were not on the streets..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I don,t even have a pension.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
So, i spoilt her more .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Comes on , in middle age.
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
When she asked me how she looked .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
I said to her
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!